Date:
Friday, September 29th,
2012
Risk:
Bring awareness to my tongue today
Purpose
of Risk: To notice my tongue and
observe how often my focus stays on it, how often my focus is off it, and what
brings my focus back to it.
Execution:
I’ve never paid so much attention to
my tongue in my life. While I was on the subway, while in the elevator, and while
eating, I found myself feeling and thinking about this large muscle with more
attention than I’ve ever paid it before. One of the reasons I was reluctant to
take this particular risk on was that I knew it was impossible! There is simply
no way that I would be able to put my entire focus onto my tongue for one whole
day, especially during a day that I had class and many other commitments going
on. What is the point of taking on a risk that is impossible? (I’m smiling as I
remember thinking that now). Let me tell you, if you have a mind that can
sometimes take control of you, or if you ever want to get away from a negative
thought, say hello to your tongue. I’ve realized that bringing 100%,
uncompromised attention to your body has the ability to give you complete peace
of mind. The sensations in your body are like old friends that are always there
for you. No matter what the day brings and no matter what thoughts are trying
to take control of you, your body is there for you in the most comforting,
literally supportive way possible. What my tongue experiment boils down to is
this: I don’t know exactly what took my thoughts away from my chosen focus or
even what brought them back, but I do know that every time I was aware of my
tongue I felt safe, and that is a risk worth taking.
Analysis:
I started this risk a little bit
reluctantly - awareness of self on a
seemingly small scale was not what I had in mind when I started this project. I
was picturing myself putting on a huge show, performing to the highest degree
of my ability and bearing my soul publicly in an artistic way. I was picturing
myself hiding behind the curtain of the stage, body trembling as I anticipated
my performance. And I was picturing running off stage, bursting into tears,
proud of myself for what I accomplished and pondering how to accurately capture
my analysis of the anxiety I had just experienced. However, in my discussions
with Casey, I started to realize that maybe the reason I have experienced such
a high level of performance anxiety in the past is due to the lack of awareness
in myself about how I view risk in general; I view risk as a big performance that
literally takes all of the courage you can muster and only lasts for a fleeting
moment. Maybe my belief that risk equals a huge burst of boldness, rather than
a sustained perspective and continued awareness of opportunity, is the very
reason that I find big risks hard to take and why I have taken them
infrequently!
I’m
not sure exactly what the future of the project holds for me, but my view of
risk is already changing dramatically. What is risk? Today I conclude that risk
has much more to do with sustained awareness than I ever would have imagined.
Questions? Please comment!
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