First Risk - Bike Breakdown

      Date:  Saturday, September 15, 2012

Risk: Make a big decision by myself – bike shopping

Purpose of Risk: I have been putting off buying a new bike after the one that had broke beyond repair.

Execution: Before even going to the bike shop, I’m experience a lot of anxiety. I am procrastinating even now by writing this journal! About two weeks ago, I had decided to go bike shopping in the morning, but procrastinated and delayed going by initiating a fight with my roommate and basically throwing a fit. Today I will take a risk and do this!

…After writing the above, I procrastinated even longer before actually going to the bike shop, but while I was there I met a very nice woman volunteer who talked me through all of the bikes and let me try them out. I started to get really anxious about making the decision, so I called my parents who both assured me that I was free to make whatever decision I wanted. They also said that it seemed like I didn’t want to take the bike today - So I left!

Analysis: I really didn’t expect to get so worked up over this decision, again. I was still on the verge of tears at one point, but because the woman was as absolutely non-threatening as possible, I was able to hold it together and make a decision – and I decided not to take the bike. Decision-making has been bringing up a lot of anxiety for me in the last year or two especially, which is the same time-frame that I’ve been feeling anxious about performing. It’s neat to make that connection, actually. Being put on the spot in a performance context is much the same as being put on the spot to make a large purchase – in each case there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer, just a preference about how you want to handle the situation. What I want to explore is how to make these kind of decisions with less anxiety. Can I tune into how my body feels more? I think my intellectual approach of determining all the factors of a decision before hand has not worked for me. I’m excited to explore listening to my body and intuition more acutely in these types of situations.